Is God's Word A Command…Or An Invitation?
We should never feel bad for falling short. But we also shouldn't stop trying to rise higher.
In the 1950s, when he and his followers faced beatings and the threat of unjust imprisonment, Martin Luther King Jr. chose as the North Star for himself and his nascent movement a verse from the New Testament of the Bible, Matthew 5:44: "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, and pray for them that despitefully use you."
History shows that this was a wise decision. And yet, when folks exhort us to follow the way of MLK (or of Daryl Davis, the black jazz musician who's made a hobby of befriending KKK members and loving them out of their bigotry; or of any other luminary bridge-builder), those exhortations typically fall on deaf ears. We hear, but we don't change our own behavior accordingly.
Why not? It's not that we don't think that MLK was right; we know he was. It's also not that we think, "well that was then, this is now;" we know that MLK and his followers faced far worse adversity than we do now. We face unkind words and the threats of social isolation, which aren't trivial; but King faced bombings, assassination attempts, and the threat of arrest.
So why don't we follow King's example?
I think that part of the reason is that when we hear an exhortation to love our enemies, we often feel—not inspired—but some combination of guilt and shame.
Guilt: "You're right, I *should* be doing that. Just one more way that I'm falling short."
Shame: "MLK could do that because he was a better person than I am. He was exceptional; I'm just ordinary. I can't do what he did."
I think we feel this guilt and shame when it comes to a lot of religious or spiritual tenets. In the Christian church, for instance we often phrase Bible verses as a command. We read the Sermon on the Mount, and we hear a command to not even look at another human being with lust in our hearts. And we think how high of a bar this is, and how achingly far we fall short. We feel—not inspired—but full of guilt and shame as we compare ourselves to the perfect model of Jesus and decide just how poor we are in comparison.
(I assume, humans being who we are, that other religions can fall into this same trap. But I'm most comfortable taking shots at my own tribe).
So how should we hear the words of Matthew 5:44 (or any hard word of any spiritual path, that we know we should follow but that we nonetheless struggle to) instead?
What if we heard these words as an invitation into a better life…not just for those around us, but also for we ourselves?
This has been my own experience with hearing from God. A few months ago, for example, I posted a slightly crude joke in a Facebook group dedicated to one of my favorite fantasy book series. Lots of people found it funny, but one woman (who I knew from previous experience did not like me one iota, and had previously insulted me) didn't like the joke and laid into me for posting it. I prayed, and I felt God encouraging me, not to fight back, but to a) delete the joke and b) message her saying that she was right and thanking her for pointing out that my joke was too crude for the group. I did these things, and afterwards I felt much better.
I don't say this to brag. I say this because, when I felt God encouraging me to do a) and b), I didn't hear a voice of command. I didn't hear a voice of shame or of condemnation, or the sense that I was falling short of God's standards. Instead, I heard an invitation. I heard an infinitely loving voice say to me, in essence, "You don't have to do this; but if you do, your life will become measurably better as a result." And, indeed, my life did become better as a result of doing a) and b). My internal landscape changed to become measurably more forgiving, more full of peace, more willing to recognize and point out my own flaws; and less bothered by the animosity of online interlocutors.
I don't think that God commands us. I think that He invites us to take steps that He knows will make our lives meaningfully better. When He invites us to love our enemies and bless those that persecute us, it is not because He will be disappointed in us and ashamed of us if we don't; it is because He knows that loving our enemies is actually really good for our psychological and spiritual growth.
I also don't think that God expects (or that we should hold ourselves to a standard of) perfection. In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis says that God eventually wants to make us perfect; but He is also "delighted with the first feeble, stumbling effort you make tomorrow to do the simplest duty." As theologian George MacDonald writes, "God is easy to please, but hard to satisfy."
Or to put it another way: when we hear exhortations to love our enemies or to be like MLK or Daryl Davis, we don't have to think "well they're amazing and I could never measure up." Instead, we can simply take a step in their direction; knowing that the smallest step will improve our lives and delight our maker.
So here's our action item for this week. If you are Christian or find value in the New Testament, take 20 minutes in silence and stillness and meditate on Matthew 5:44. If you aren't or don't, consider meditating on a similar tenet from your own spiritual path (for instance, "None of you [truly] believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself" in Islam or "What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor" in Judaism).
Ask whatever higher power you believe in (be it God, your higher self, or simply the Universe) if your life would be better if you took a step towards living out this tenet.
If the answer is yes, consider taking that step.
(And if you feel called to take a step towards loving your enemies, consider a 1:1 conversation with someone across the aisle, set up and structured by Braver Angels. I've found such conversations to be tremendously helpful).
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